Is Divorce Contagious
It
was 2 A.M., and I should have been blissfully snuggled up in bed beside the
warm body of my husband, Michael. Instead, I was skulking around our dark
kitchen, trolling through his recent text messages like some possessed psycho.
I scrolled through the usual notes from work contacts and friends, until I saw
one from Holly (who the hell was Holly?) that began, "Are you
here???" My heart kicked into a gallop when I opened the message and read,
"I miss you so much. I need a hug. Come find me." The text was sent
to Michael during his recent business trip to a trade show in Vegas, hundreds
of miles away from our home in California. I was livid. I charged up the stairs
to confront my sleeping husband — and, as it turned out, made a complete ass of
myself. The text, I learned from a groggy, befuddled Michael, was sent by an
old colleague of his who's lovey-dovey with everyone. I remembered then that
she even called me "sweetie" on Facebook, and I'd never met her.
I
was never this distrustful or deranged — until our best friends' marriage
imploded that summer. Sarah and Steven were our go-to couple, the ones we
invited for dinner when we just felt like hanging out, the ones who helped us
carry boxes when we moved, the ones we called when we had to race to the hospital
at 1 a.m. to give birth to our second son and needed someone to stay with our
2-year-old. They had been together 20-plus years, and although their
relationship had its issues — he's a football fanatic, she has season tickets
to the ballet — it seemed like a given that their till-death vows would stick.
But a year prior to Steven's affair, Sarah had hit a rough patch emotionally.
We knew that Steven was weary of her malaise--but we had no idea how weary,
until he revealed that he'd found solace (and scorching sex) in the arms of a
hot yoga teacher, whom he referred to as his "soul mate."
It's
one thing to read about a celebrity cheating scandal. You might imagine what
it's like to be in Demi's shoes and wonder if your guy could pull an Ashton,
but it's easy to reassure yourself: Your partner is not a movie star and, as a
result, does not have adoring women hurling themselves at him every time he
steps outside the door. It's another thing entirely when you witness the
devastation of Hurricane Infidelity on a daily basis. When you field the
sobbing calls from the brokenhearted wife, and your husband hears the steamy
details (sex in public bathrooms! Sex in broad daylight!) from the gleeful
adulterer, it hits you where you live. It's more personal and more unnerving —
and defies simple explanations or rationalizations. It feels scary, as if
scientists suddenly announced, "It's true, aliens really do live
among us." Which is probably why Steven's duplicity unleashed in my mind a
deeply unsettling and tenacious line of thought: If a regular, married guy —
someone I thought I knew and understood, who seemed reasonably happy — could go
rogue with a yoga instructor, what's to stop my husband from doing the same? In
fact, might his best friend's cheating open the door for Michael to stray, too
— to think, Hey, if Steven can do it, why can't I?
It
was under the influence of those disorienting concerns, as well as two
margaritas, that I flailed blindly into Incident Number Two. We were at a swank
party, high on a hilltop not far from our home, when I looked across the room
and noticed that Michael was engaged in an animated conversation with a woman
I'd never met. She was pretty and flirty, with aggressive cleavage and
perfectly straight dark hair. Instead of walking up and saying hello, as I
would have even a few months before, I left the room. Give him a few minutes,
I thought, and he'll come looking for me. Ten minutes passed. Fifteen.
The hide-and-seek routine clearly wasn't working, and when I walked back into
the room, it was obvious why. He was still engrossed in Miss 36D. I took a deep
breath and reminded myself of the text-message episode. Perhaps this was an old
colleague, too? But no. When I finally grabbed Michael's hand and introduced
myself to the woman, she looked stunned and embarrassed. His face was
inscrutable enough to set off alarm bells. I said we should leave.
What
ensued was a scene I'd rather forget. Michael claimed to be grateful to me for
dragging him away from the conversation. "I don't remember her name, but
she wouldn't leave me alone," he said. I didn't buy it, and I told him so.
Loudly. With accusations and profanity. We barely spoke for 24 hours, and when
we did, we were polite, careful, detached. I had truly offended him.
I
felt miserable. It was bad enough that our friends' relationship was blown to
smithereens, but now ours had been hit by random shrapnel. I knew I should be
trying to mend things — or at least find a way to not act crazy. But the more I
watched Sarah's agony and Steven's joyful liberation, the more freaked out I
got.
I
read articles on how to tell if your man is cheating, then scoured Michael's
behavior for clues: Has he become more fastidious in his grooming? More
protective of his phone? Changed his work hours? Become more solicitous? One
night, he called apologetically to say he'd be home late. Solicitous? Check.
Changing work habits? Check. If I went to his office, would I catch him
mid-tryst? I had worked myself up into such a state, I barely spoke to our two
sons during dinner and finally called him. He sounded exhausted. Not the voice
of a husband who's just had an illicit encounter, but the voice of a man who's
working hard to put money in our kids' college funds.
When
he came home that night, I tried to act normal. I figured he'd be too tired for
sex, so I was surprised when he responded to my come-hither glance by happily
locking the bedroom door. Is he really into this or just putting on a good
show? I wondered, as we made our way lovingly and expertly through our
bedroom routine. Yes, we have a routine. After 19 years, two kids, and a
six-figure mortgage, it would be tough not to. Our sex isn't shocking and full
of surprises. And that, I realized, was the crux of my fear. When it comes to
sheer excitement, longevity can't compete with novelty — and new is the one
thing Michael and I can never be for each other. Would our relationship start
to look dull compared with Steven's endless downward-dog stories — not just to
Michael, but to me? Would one of us catch the wanderlust that had infected our
friend and leave our marriage? I hope not. But for the moment, as Michael
drifted off to sleep next to me, I felt reassured that Steven's cheating and
our friends' imminent divorce hadn't changed Michael at all so far. The only person
it had changed was me.
©Marie Claire
Tanesco Ubungo yalipuka, Dar, Zanzibar gizani
16th November 2011
Wafanyakazi wa kikosi cha zima moto na uokoaji,
wakiokoa chombo cha kurekebisha mwenendo wa umeme kijulikanacho kama
Reactor wakati kilipolipuka.
Kifaa hicho chenye thamani ya zaidi ya
Dola za Marekani 500,000 (zaidi ya Sh. milioni 800) kilikumbwa na
hitilafu hiyo, jana saa 11 jioni, ambapo baada ya kuanza kuungua umeme
ulizima na hivyo maeneo mbalimbali ya Dar es Salaam na Zanzibar kuingia
gizani.
Akizungumza na waandishi wa habari jana,
Kaimu Mkurugenzi Mtendaji wa Shirika la Umeme Nchini (Tanesco), Sophia
Mgonja, alisema mafundi wanaweza kuwasha nishati hiyo ikiwa watakuta
nyaya zinazotoka katika kifaa hicho hazijaungua.
Mgonja alisema ni mara ya kwanza kifaa kama hicho kukumbwa na hitilafu, lakini akasema hawajajua chanzo chake.
Hata hivyo, alisema inawezekana hitilafu
hiyo ilitokana na mafuta yaliyokuwa yakivuja kutoka ndani ya kifaa
hicho, lakini akaongeza kwamba, mpaka jana jioni mafundi walikuwa
hawajathibitisha.
Mgonja alisema juhudi zilizofanywa na
vikosi vya zima moto na uokoaji, zilisaidia kuzima moto huo na
kuudhibiti kusambaa katika mitambo mingine katika kituo hicho.
Moto huo ulizimwa na vikosi vya Knight Suport, Zimamoto kutoka Jiji la Dar es Salaam.
Mgonja alisema vikosi hivyo vilifika katika eneo la tukio kwa wakati vikiwa na maji ya kutosha.
Kwa upande wa vikosi hivyo,
viliwalalamikia wananchi kwa kushindwa kupisha magari yao yanapokuwa na
haraka ya kwenda kuzima moto.
Mmoja wa wafanyakazi wa kampuni hizo,
ambaye hakutaja jina alisema, wanapokuwa barabarani madereva wanakuwa
wagumu kupisha magari yao na hivyo kujikuta wakitumia muda mwingi kupiga
ving’ora bila mafanikio.
CHANZO:
NIPASHE
Michango ya ajali ya MV Spice imefikia shilingi bilioni 1.1
Mv Spice Islander |
14/11/2011
Jumla
ya Shl.Bilioni 1 na Millioni 100 zimekusanywa na Kamati ya Taifa ya
Maafa Zanzibar hadi kufikia leo ikiwa ni michango mbalimbali kutoka kwa
Taasisi, Watu binafsi na Wadau mbalimbali wa nje na ndani ya Zanzibar
kutokana na ajali ya Meli ya Mv. Spice Islanders.
Hayo
yameelezwa hivi leo na Waziri wa Nchi Ofisi ya Makamo wa Pili wa Rais
Mohammed Aboud Mohammed huko ofisini kwake Vuga Mjini Zanzibar wakati
alipokuwa akipokea Mchango wa Dola za Kimarekani 1444 sawa na Shl.
Milioni 2 laki Moja na Hamsini na Nne na Mia Nane kutoka kwa Watafiti
mbalimbali kutoka nje.
Waziri
Aboud amesema kuwa Serikali imefarijika sana kutokana na wanafunzi hao
kuona umuhimu wa kutoa michango hiyo kwa waathirika wa ajali hiyo ya
Meli ya Mv. Spice Islanders.
Amesema
kuwa Serikali ya Mapinduzi Zanzibar hadi sasa bado haijatumia fedha
yoyote ile iliyotolewa kwa Michango hiyo ambapo fedha hizo zinatarajiwa
kutolewa mara tu Tume ya Uchunguzi ya Ajali hiyo iliyoteuliwa na Rais wa
Zanzibar na Mwenyekiti wa Baraza la Mapinduzi kutoa taarifa yake.
Akikabidhi
mchango huo kwa niaba ya Watafiti hao Dk. Naiman Saleh Jidawi ambaye ni
Mkuu wa Chuo cha Sayansi ya Baharini Zanzibar kilichopo chini ya Chuo
Kikuu cha Dar es Salaam amesema kuwa wanafunzi hao wameguswa sana na
ajali hiyo hivyo wameona na wao watoe mchango wao.
Aidha
amesema kuwa Fedha hizo walizochangia zitasaidi katika malengo
yaliyokusudiwa kutekelezwa na Serikali ya Mapinduzi ya Zanzibar.
Amesema
kuwa watafiti hao kutoka nje walishtushwa sana na tukio la ajali ya Mv.
Spice Islandes hivyo ikawalazimu kujikusanya pamoja na kuona kuwa wao
hawatajisikia vizuri ikiwa hawatochangia chochote kuhusiana na ajali
hiyo ambayo siyo ya Zanzibar tu bali ni ya Tanzania kwa ujumla.
Chanzo: Mjengwa
Zanzibar Enzi Hizo
Sultan Palace Zanzibar |
Post office Zanzibar |
Market Street |
Mizingani Road |
No comments:
Post a Comment